A couple weeks ago, my son's teacher requested a conference with me and his other mother Lisa. The unfolding of what has come from that conference has left me swimming in emotions that need a place to spill over. These thoughts and feelings need structure around them. Perhaps a blog will help me find words to describe..or at least a way to spew the shit and give me the opportunity to turn around and go back through my words to reflect on where I have been. Might give me clarity on where I am. Perhaps even insight on the road ahead.
Jumping into the sea has a natural start point, you come to the edge of the water and proceed forward from there. With words, I can never find the edge. I don't know where this story begins. The first words are the hardest for me to find.
Do I start by describing what an amazing son I have? Do I start by giving some structure to my family dynamics and how things look now? Should I tell the funny story about how Finn obsessed over a ball of yarn when we went to learn about maple syrup? Or how he laughs hysterically at Tom and Jerry cartoons?
I guess I will start by telling you what a big deal it was that Finn wore pants to school today. It was the first time all year. He insists on shorts (with no underwear). He wore pants because I would not let him wear snowpants outside. He is quirky. Really quirky. Turns out, the amazing quirkiness of my son is enough to cause the teachers at his school concern.
It also turns out that the list of concerns that the teachers describe fit neatly in the "pervasive developmental disability" chapter of the DSM-IV. Finn's teachers describe things that we have also noticed about Finn.
So I started a blog for myself and for....well because I suspect there is an interesting road ahead whereever it leads. I have been doing a lot of reading on autism spectrum disorders, and although I do not know what label Finn will be given, I have read enough to believe that he is going to qualify for a PDD label. All of the "symptoms" he has that qualify him for the diagnosis he is (possibly) heading toward are the things I love and admire about him.
As much as I want to do any and everything I can to help my son be successful, I am already grieving at what it might mean for this fabulous human to be diagnosed with a one word title. I never want Finn to be reduced to a single word to describe him. Especially not a loaded autism spectrum diagnosis with all of the stereotypes and assumptions that go along with that.
Finn will have two days of testing on May 2 and 3. on may 4, we meet with the "experts." I suspect that we will have the same amazing child on May 5 that we have today. For now, I am going to try to stay present and enjoy the challenges and gifts of my family.
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